once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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