if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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