i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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