Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
