i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
