Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
