I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
