I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
