I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize