SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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