dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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