ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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