Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
