Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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