I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
