so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
