Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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