Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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