found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
