Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
