She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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