Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
