So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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