Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
