Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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