So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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