so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
