like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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