3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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