I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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