Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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