3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You pole danced in your parka.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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