apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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