I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
