The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
this is an emotional support booty call
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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