just come out here and I will go home with you...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Someone came in the potted fern
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
