I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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