Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
