i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
