he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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