he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
