that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
