The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
