I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
