Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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