Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
