I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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