Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
