No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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