I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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