Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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