Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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