Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
