I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
