I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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