There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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