I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
