can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
