dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
