the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
wow bdsm is so cute
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
