Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
