you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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