trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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