Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
