She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
