Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
