The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you inspire me to be a worse person
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
