I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize