So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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