sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
