I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
