I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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